Previous 5

Jul. 7th, 2009

{pre-anatomy thoughts}

I'm currently trying to understand what i've gotten myself into. Medical school, I mean. Aside from the weekly panics I get over living independently (in a 3-person apt, without campus dining and free toilet paper refills), I'm slowly grasping the weight of becoming a doctor.

Just finished reading a book Body of Work, which describes a medical student's emotional and physical experience through the rigorous first year nightmare, gross anatomy lab. Throughout the book, the author discusses her intimate connection to her cadaver, Eve, and how, the emotional distance and "objective" mentality of looking at a mass of muscles and nerves prepare her for the sometimes callous practice of medicine. Doctors have the job of telling a family that their loved one might not make it, to deliver to a patient a death sentence in form of a terminal illness, or throw up their hands after an impossible surgery and surrender  to the higher power of healing. Too emotionally involved, they can accidentally lose focus on providing the best care for patients, instead getting swept away by personal opinion. Patients aren't looking for a sympathizer in a doctor; they are looking for an answer, the calm center anchor of the storm.

The beauty of the human body, the intricate weavings of muscles in and out, the nerves shooting through like a guide wire, becomes art displayed in Body Worlds. But as a medical student, we aren't asked to contemplate art and form; we instead become scalpel-wielding butchers in white coats, dissecting and memorizing. I need to learn the science and the map of the body to begin my studies, allowing the abdomen, arms, and legs to become my new campus. But will I make that first cut without contemplating the life that existed, seeing just a mass of new Latin vocab words? Better question: should I?

When I took neuroanatomy, we spent half the class time in the brain lab, with buckets and buckets of brains in formaldehyde. I was surprised at first how dense the brain is - it wasn't pink and squishy like in movies. It was gray, dense, and felt a lot like clay. Throughout the semester, we learned about all the different structures, gyri and regions. Even now, seeing a brain gives me a feeling of familiar territory - ah, here's the precentral gyrus, the walnut cerebellum, and the caudate and putamen. But to be honest, I never saw the brain as anything.. alive. The lab was fascinating because, well, it was brain lab! But not once did I sit down and realize that this brain was once soaked with memories, filled with rapid firings, controlling a human being's every move and thought. It was someone's conscience, someone's life, a mother, a son - a beautiful, breathing, living soul. Even now, I cannot seem to connect the two - the gray play-doh brain versus the powerful CPU of Jane or Jack. Not once was I Hamlet, contemplating poor Yorrick.

What will it be like when I enter anatomy lab? Will I continue on my scientific mind set, seeing a cadaver as an enlarged chicken? Or will there come a point - there always is - where I crack, when that bridge is finally finished and the realization of the power entrusted to us students comes crashing down? What then? How will I handle the fact that we're being trained to be entrusted with the body of a living person, not just another model or cadaver?

Note: AECOM has a ceremony thanking the donors as well as their families for the valuable gift they have given us - this will probably be very helpful, and very critical, in reminding me of the delicate link between corpus and soul.

Note II: once classes actually start, it'll be fascinating to see how my thoughts change

Advertisement

Jun. 29th, 2009

(no subject)

praise the Lord for friends who remind me, in person or through their online presence (blogs, Twitter, etc), of the ultimate purpose: to glorify God. it's a lesson often forgotten, that He is the end, the end, not the means, and that God's one goal is not to save us or serve us, but to draw praise and glory onto Himself. though said in plain English it makes Him seem narcissistic, when i step back and realize the gravity and the grandeur of our Maker, i'm struck by the fact that He doesn't only deserve my everlasting praise and attention, but rather He demands it.
Tags:

Jun. 21st, 2009

(no subject)

Huan Ying Guang Ling!
Welcome valued customer!

May 27/28 – Japan Airlines flight from JFK → Narita → Taoyuan Taipei
Quality service, style, and class! Personal screen with a whole menu of movies, music, and games! Sudoku, Brain Quest, J-pop, C-pop, Classical kept me busy in between watching Bride Wars and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. The tv came with a fully functioning remote with buttons and a four-direction wheel. The remote could be turned on its side to function as a game remote too! The flip side was a phone, for in-flight calls. Now, on to the food. We didn't have crackers, but had the typical Asian snacks, with the salty/crunch little bits. The meals came on trays with little solid plastic blue bowls of a salad, appetizer (usually fruit), and dessert! The meals were good, not spectacular, but just the display of it made it seem nicer. So overall, quite a nice, easy flight – 13hrs went by quite quickly. Stopped over in Japan, remembered how much I loved the Japanese lifestyle, and swung on to Taiwan. At customs, we're required to fill out an address of residence while we're in town. Unfortunately, I've forgotten to ask mom beforehand for one. So in line for customs, I opened up a map of Taipei and picked the first hotel I saw – the Grand Hyatt Regency is where I'm staying apparently! My mom, ironically, forgot her own address and had to wait in line 3 times before she got all her papers sorted. She ended up staying at a bookstore near her old home. Landed, picked up by an eager Shiow-Chung ah-yi, ye-ye, and ah-ma and went home to ye-ye's new apartment for the night! Mom's coming in tomorrow – it's going to be a fun trip!
 
May 29
Mom and Christie arrive at Taoyuan. Everyone goes to the Taoyuan tsai-shi-chang, or main market. Overwhelming with the stimuli, smells, sounds, sights – I love it! The chaos of it reminds me immensely of Ecuador – actually, many things in Taiwan remind me of Ecuador. More on that later. Afternoon, we went to Tai Mall, their Roosevelt Mall. There were signs everywhere with single digit numbers and a word after them. Not knowing what it meant, Christie and I ignored them while shopping, figuring it was a buy 1 get X number free or something. My mom told me half an hour later,  that it meant you pay X percent! All of a sudden, “buy 1 get 2 free” turned into “you pay 20% the original price” and clothes shopping seemed so much more exciting.  The scene feels so familiar some how, especially when I hear the mix of Chinese and Taiwanese, my ears and heart feel alive.
 
May 30
We head out to Taipei. Use the jea-yun (subway) for the first time. Honest: NY has a LOT of catching up to do. The jea-yun is like Japan's jikatenshia, with speed, timeliness and cleanliness. They have pre-marked stopping points, with lines drawn in the ground for entering and exiting the train. People queue up and TV screen tells you when the next train is. The station itself is brightly lit and huge! They usually are significant sized buildings in the area. Oftentimes, where a station is is where the bustle is – tons of food, clothes, and random stuff is easily accessible. New trains, new stations – it's definitely beaten NY. Plus, it's quiet and has cell phone service!
 
For the first time in many years (since Japan, basically), I haven't been stared at, called at, or asked about where I'm from! Taiwan reminds me a lot of Ecuador, with the narrow alleys and tall buildings, apartments and busy markets. Bargaining with vendors and questioning the wisdom of buying delicious looking street food. The favorite pastime of Taiwanese: eating and shopping.
 
This morning, we went to visit our grandfather's resting place, this beautiful cemetery called Long Yea Ren Ben (Dragon Cliff?). It was a lot like a beautiful botanical garden with statues and memorials rather than the row-by-row perfection of white tombstones as at Arlington, VA. The cemetery is hidden deep within the mountains, with the hills folding all around and only this tall, white tower standing amidst it all. We brought fruits, paper money and incense to offer to the gods who guard the cemetery as well as for our grandfather's soul. In a proper visiting ritual, you first offer the paper money and the washed fruits to the statues. Then, you burn incense presenting yourself and asking for peace or something. After, you burn the paper money, gold for the gods and silver for the deceased. The paper's really thin and has a red stamp on it, depicting dragons and some words that no one can read any more (well, probably some older monks still can). At grandfather's grave, there was a black marble tablet with his life story summarized in gold. From his position, we could see down the entire mountain, around the cemetery with a gorgeous view of the entire garden. As Big Uncle said, he picked the best spot in the plot.
 
Some random traditions/superstitions:
You take a lemon tree leaf with you when you go up to the cemetery. Then you throw it away/over your shoulder when you leave. This keeps any bad spirits from following you.
 
When you leave a grave, or the cemetery, leave and do not look back. Reminded me of Lot and his wife – do not look back on the destruction and wrath of God.
 
Wear closed-toed shoes and tie your hair back. I don't know much about the meaning of this one – maybe just proper attire.
 
After we left the gorgeous cemetery, we were famished and headed to Dansui, the super popular South Street Seaport of Taiwan. It was packed with people (not tourists!) - everyone was walking around in the streets, eating ice cream, cookies, boba tea, ice green tea, bags of who knows what, and just hanging out with family and friends. Hao xing fen! For lunch, we ate a popular Dansui dish, ah ji(3), made of sweet fried tofu skin wrapped around clear noodles soaked in oa-jiang red sweet sauce. Mmmm. We then swung by Yu Len Ma Tao (the sea port) and saw this huge pedestrian bridge with people heading over to the other side. Destination: shopping. The other side was a nice long boardwalk around the port area, with tons and tons of little stores underneath.
 
We come back and get some delicious tsua bing (shaved ice) with red bean, and grass jelly milk tea. We rest up a little, and at night, the whole family gathered together to spend time with grandma. We take a group picture, after realizing that it's been awhile since such a large group of the immediate family has been together.
 
May 31
Jet-lagged, we head out early, around 6am or so. I'm 22! We have a super productive morning: we visit the Chiang-Kai-Shek Memorial Hall, a gorgeous newly built square. Two temples flank the central grounds and an old palace sits across from a grand archway. It being so early, the square is thankfully void of tourists and the only spectators of me and Christie taking jumping pictures were joggers and the tai-chi practitioners. We then poked around the square, walked barefoot on foot massages, and headed off to the Taipei Botanical Gardens. We saw the lily pond that dad told us stories about and his high school. 
 
Maokong – mistaken teapot museum, followed a family to a tucked away tea house in the mountain. Poured fresh tea, ate lunch, and talked for awhile. Celebrated my birthday! What a day.
 
Came home, Big Uncle bought a super fancy taro and cream cake from a famous cake bakery in Taiwan.
 
June 1
Dancers at the park nearby! Excersise in the morning. Quickly turned from cardio dancing to the foxtrot – quite impressed by the skill shown by the women there. They are RSDS good. Went to Tai Da, dad's college that he's very proud of. Walked around, quite pretty with green space. Met up with Christie's friend Doreen, went to Taipei 101 – Saks 5th Ave in a tall shiny new tower. Shopped.
 
June 2
National Palace Museum. Huge. Organized chronologically. History of China. Aborigines. Chin Dynasty: 1st organized Chinese dynasty. Organized government, words, and measurement. Han and Tang Dynasty: strongest Chinese rule. Began to value education and culture. Song Dynasty: blue bowls with fine cracks. Ching Dynasty: super delicate pieces of intricate, fine carvings. The famous jade cabbage. Went to gardens – Swong Shi Gardens and Zi San Garden (next to the palace – very pretty). Went to the famous Shilin Market. We went to Shilin station, where mom remembered it being. She kept raving about how great the food is, the specialties there, the stands and the hustle and bustle. We arrived. Once again, poor mom's image of Taipei is different than reality. The food stands had been cleared out by the police long ago. The hustle and bustle moved to the organized Jiantai Station, underneath a roof and with booth numbers. The delicious unique foods had disappeared, to be replaced by the more common dishes. We ate oa-jen (oyster mash), ya peng song (flower soup), and fried tempura.
 
June 3
Went to pray for grandma's sake. Went mom's old house at Song Jiang Lu, went to her old tsai-chi-ah (market), and ate at a nice hotel restaurant. Ate dim sum – tons of great dishes. Including taro cake and jia bing (tortilla deal).
 
June 4
Was raining. Post-poned LaLaShan and went to San Yi, a town famous for wood carvings. Like dad's chairs and tables. Went to a wood carving museum and saw some creative and quite delicate pieces, like paper-thin leaves and tiny animals. Saw my favorite art piece to date – a little stone monk boy, nodding off (or in peaceful meditation). Went shopping in town with the Kuo family.
 
June 5 and 6
Shi Men Water Dam/Reservoir. Chaing Kai Shek's Retreat House. LaLaShan. Gorgeous cabin bed and breakfast. Impossible to get to. But so worth the winding drive. Horrendous cramps – got the whole family in a knot as I stretched out on three chairs in a random restaurant, writhing in pain. Beautiful. But the amazing view of the mountains! We were enveloped within the hills, no sounds. Crickets, birds, fresh mountain air. Oh I love mountains. LaLaShan Forest Reservation.
 
June 7
Went to famous bookstore, with a basement food area (hot foods, desserts, specialty stands), two floors of fashion/clothing, three floors of books of all types, and one floor for stationary/home goods. Ate great food, as usual. Fresh mochi! Amazingness – soft and warm, the red bean paste hot and rich. Went to Taipei Station Underground Mall. Complete maze.
 
June 8-9
Hualien. Taroko Natl Park. MeiLiHua 5star hotel.
 
June 10
Facial. Not what I expected. A little scared. Am more careful w washing face now.
 
June 11
Hair appt. Explored Ximending, the famous fashion/young people place. Reminded me strongly of Shinjuku. Especially when walking out of the subway entrance to all the lights and people crossings. Got a hair cut w layers and bangs. Total time: 2hrs! In the US, a cut like that would take 15min. Christie's perm took 5 hrs! Went out to eat w 1st aunt and yi-jia (rebecca) at Shen Wang Hotel, a classy dim sum place w delicious food. I swear, the shrimp is larger and juicier here. Favorite dessert: a “gao”, or a 2-layer pudding-like deal, with red bean on top of a layer of coconut milk jelly/pudding.
 
June 12
Kaoshong w Grandma and Grandpa, to see mom's oldest younger brother (da jiou-jiou) and his family. Mom warned us about his showing off tendencies.. but man, there is a difference between excessive bragging  and being rich and classy. You want to be classy, not loud. His wife was nice and the kids Maggie and Cindy (noh-noh and wei-wei) are the first cousins to play w us! Well, the ones in Taipei are in finals. Maggie's on her school's billiard's team and taught us some things. Sang karaoke – shyness was not allowed. Went to their night market – very lively – and had “dry noodles”, basically noodles w/o soup. Hung out, talked about the kids' move to California (attending public school there), took some free movies from them, listened to an impressive home stereo system, and took the high speed rail home (equivalent of shinkansen, minus the ice cream).
 
June 13
Yingge w mom, while Chris went shopping w Doreen. Really liked Yingge! It's a town famous for clay pottery. Had a “lao jie”, old street, with tons of stores lining the cobblestone pedestrian streets. Stores filled w tons of sculptures, tea pots, carvings, and art in general. Indoor market had tons of tea vendors, who would serve us free tea and describe in detail the history and making of the tea. Mmm. Fell in love w tea over again, bought a delicate white tea set w plum flowers embellishing it.
 
June 14
Mom and Chris leave, run out the door to meet up w Joyce to visit Kelly Ramos's church, East Bay Church of Taipei (EBCT). Have listened to some of their sermons online, really liked them. Very friendly church, very young and small. Mainly National Taiwan University (Tai Da) based, doing a lot of evangelism on campus, outreach. 20 or so people, high turnover rate due to student population. Young pastor, even more gestures and crazy facial expressions than I imagined. Wanted to stay longer and hang out, talk about Christianity in Taiwan, but hung out w Joyce instead. Ate at Yoshinoya, her favorite restaurant (cheap too!). Met up w her mom and Alice! Shopped at Taipei Main Station Underground, then went to Shida Night Market, largest one apparently.
 
June 15
At dad's recommendation, went to Taiwan Fine Arts Museum. Without checking the schedule. Only 1st floor was open (Monday closed) and it was some odd modern French art. Didn't really appreciate it. Everything seemed closed, and still had time to kill before met up w Bonny. Went to Shin Kong Mitsukoshi, Japanese department store at Taipei Main Station. Way over price range. Found the one electronics store in Taipei! Some netbooks, mainly iphones/ipods, and seemed to be at normal price. Next door was Taipei Storyland, a model of “old Taipei”, with streets and lights and stores. Basically was like an “old Japan” museum I went to once. Showed example classrooms, stores, houses, clinics, games, and alleyways. Met up w Bonny, walked around Ximen, ate the famous Ah-Chong o-ah-mi-swa mein, where you eat out of big green bowls while standing in the street. Yum. Popped into a fancy coffeeshop to get something to drink and just chat. Since the coffee was so little and so expensive, stayed a little extra to get our money's worth =) 
 
June 16
Went back to the Fine Arts Museum. Now it was open! Enjoyed some nice art.... see blog blurb. Went to Yuan Shan Grand Hotel. Little park at its base, a set of stairs led up the side to a grand archway entrance. See blog blurb..... Gorgeous. Began to rain. Hard. Took shelter in Taipei Main Station, once again. This time, w the goal to explore the underground malls. Found an underground street mall dedicated to books! Heaven. Too bad I cant read Chinese. Went home to eat dinner w Grandma. Gloria can cook deliciousness. Yum. Heard a little about family history.. not picture book.
 
June 17
Last day! Went to Yang Ming Shan...... Met up w Joyce for an hour – our last hang out for a long time. Went to McD and tried to order a McFlurry. What confusion. I only know the 1st and 3rd word of the title (out of 3), but even that wasn't enough. I tried describing the container, but the lady thought I just wanted an empty cup. Finally, saw an ad and pointed at it. They have a green tea flavour! Mmm. Joyce tried asking for an ice cream cone, but somehow ended up w a cup of ice cream and a cone stuck on top. Chatted for a little, mainly about family and futures. Went to Ximen to do some last-day shopping, not really in the mood so didn't get anything. 1st uncle, 1st aunt, and Wilsom (di di) took me out to dinner at the Shen Wang Hotel. Went home and packed everything, amazingly, without any problems!
 
June 18
5am wake up. Grandma started tearing up. Farewell. Currently in a 7hr layover in Japan. Catching up on work and correspondence.

Tags: ,

Jun. 18th, 2009

{clippings from emails}

because i'm too lazy to write up what i've been up to here.

- - - - - - - - - - email to a suitie - - - - - - - - - - - -

i'm in taiwan, the main city taipei, which is a cleaner version of nyc, if you ask me. with better food and cleaner transportation. the subway is organized, quiet, and new, and the city's life revolves around these subway stops. i am completely illiterate here - it's interesting not being able to read - i'm doing the whole "point at pictures" deal for food.

i'm here w my mom and sis, doing a lot of sight-seeing and shopping (mainly sis dragging us). my poor mom's image of taiwan gets shattered every day. the places we visit have changed over the past 20 years, and the good old food stand she used to go to for snacks no longer exists =p

we're staying at my dad's mom's house, where the whole apartment building is rented out by Yeh family members. i remember it being tons of fun when i last was here, with all the kids running up and down the stairs to each other's apt. but now, it's very quiet.. i guess everyone's still in school. the older folks who see us around vaguely remember us =p

there are many pairs of stone lions all over the place. and they're big lions.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
went to my dad's high school and college. it was fun trying to imagine dad being a young kid. apparently he was the most mischevious out of the 4 brothers, also the smartest and fastest thinker. he had a "thick skin" so he'd dare pull some pranks. and he really did live on a farm!

my english has gotten significantly worse and more halting (with a major loss of vocab) since i've been in taiwan

hung out w bonny and joyce and alice! visited EBCT, great family.

went to the Fine Arts Museum twice - closed on Monday (went to the 1st floor modern art exhibit..meh), but Tues the rest of the museum was open and it was quite nice! gorgeous painting of an ocean wave, crashing, spraying onto a rocky shore. sat in front of it and wrote a letter to Esther.

went to Yuan Shan Grand Hotel. grand palace-styled hotel/restaurant that apparently mom and dad went on dates at. had jasmine tea and a plate of fried everything (it was called Asian Platter - so i assumed rice and veggies!). slightly expensive, so sat and had tea with free refills for over 2hrs. maybe 3? read my Bible, wrote some bad poems, and wrote a letter to Katie. i love drinking tea and looking at mountains! caught a free bus down before it started storming.

yang ming shan - completely unprepared, so couldnt really hike. goal for next time. took a park bus around to the XiaoYouKen (small oil crater) and poked around there, before a dense fog rolled in. headed down the mountain and met up w Joyce for last time =( had last dinner w 1st uncle, aunt, and wilson at a delicious dimsum place, Shen Wang Hotel. mmm =9

heading home now. in transit. missing taipei already. especially the language!
Tags: ,

Advertisement

Jun. 16th, 2009

{MIA in Taiwan}

 that's where i've been since graduation. well, home and then here. but home mainly consisted of having a blast with Anita & Colleen, then packing for Taiwan. many notes on my adventures here, most of which i've turned into written letters to friends (i bought cute stationary here, with the excuse that i'll write letters). notes to be posted.

sometimes art is a solitary moment.
a wave, it pulls you under,
flipping, dancing through, it's a movement.
and you become drawn into the brushstrokes,
but i am lost in the wordy descriptions,
and i draw my own sketchlines.
the vivid emotion that calls out to you
is color to my blind eyes.

i cannot write a praise to You
words are like dust, gathering
but blown away by a gentle breath.
instead, i sing Psalms,
borrowing from those stronger than i.
Tags:

Previous 5